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Ahmeti's Blog

My name is Ahmeti, I am 13 years old.
Lots of things have changed in my life so I often feel insecure.
A few years ago, my family fled from Kosovo. I still remember running through the woods to escape from the soldiers.
I love learning new things and I pick things up quickly at school but I’m still catching up with the others in my class.

Sorting Out My Feelings

I don't know what is wrong with me. I have been a little strange lately. The tiniest things make me want to scream. They may be really small, like my sister refusing to change the TV channel, or not being able to do a problem in my maths homework, or one of the boys in my class winding me up about me supposedly fancying my friend Hamish.

 

Sometimes something snaps, and I feel a twist in my tummy or my chest. It feels like a rush of energy in my body, and I am never quite sure what to do with it. The harder I try to keep calm and not think about it, and carry on with what I am doing, the  more I think about it and the bigger the feeling gets.

 

Maybe you know this feeling? I try to keep calm. I try to smile. I close my eyes and forget what is happening but I can feel it - the anger, bubbling in my veins, pulsing through my body. I get hot, and I feel as if I'm going to snap. I want to break things .... I am ready to explode!!!

 

I get so-o-o angry sometimes I don't know what I will do next! Everyone tells me how sweet and quiet and nice I am, but when someone says something I don't like, I can get REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, MAD!  It isn't easy being quiet and sweet all the time. Sometimes I just want to run a hundred miles, or break something, but it's hard to be something different, when everyone thinks you are quiet and sweet.

 

My sister Luleta, or Lulu as she likes to be called, is much louder than me. She says what she thinks. If she's happy she jumps and shouts about it and if she's angry, well, you'd better watch out because she'll make sure you know about it! The trouble with me is that I still want to be good and I don't want to upset anyone when they make me mad .... but I want to be tough too.

 

I want to know what to do about these feelings. I am thinking of starting Karate, like Hamish, to make me tough and help me get rid of some of this anger. What do you think? What would you do?

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