'
Q
: What do clouds wear under their clothes?
A
: Thunderwear . . . . .
Q
: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A
: A giraffic jam. . . . . .
Q
: How do you join the police force?
A
: Handcuff them all together!! . . . . .
Q
: What do you call an exploding monkey?
A
: A baBOOM! . . . . .
Q
: Why are football players never asked for dinner?
A
: Because they’re always dribbling! . . . . .
Q
: What’s the same as half a loaf of bread?
A
: The other half . . . . .
Q
: Why did the cat join computer classes?
A
: To catch a mouse! . . . . .
Q
: What do eskimos sing at parties?
A
: Freeze a jolly good fellow..!! . . . . .
Q
: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A
: Because they don’t know the words. . . . . .
Q
: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A
: A walkie-talkie. . . . . .
Q
: What part of a football ground is never the same?
A
: The changing rooms! . . . . .
Q
: What’s the same as half a loaf of bread?
A
: The other half . . . . .
Q
: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
A
: To invent the other side. . . . . .
Q
: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A
: Didn’t have the guts . . . . .
Q
: What did the doctor say to the man who complained he was shrinking?
A
: You’ll have to be a little patient . . . . .
Q
: How do you make an apple crumble?
A
: Jump up and down on it . . . . .
Q
: What did the astronauts say about the eight-legged aliens?
A
: Don’t worry, they’re armless!! . . . . .
Q
: Why are football players never asked for dinner?
A
: Because they’re always dribbling! . . . . .
Q
: Why did Santa lose his job?
A
: The elves gave him the sack!! . . . . .
Q
: Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
A
: To find Pluto! . . . . .
Q
: Why was the struggling manager seen shaking the club cat?
A
: To see if there was any more money in the kitty! . . . . .
Q
: Would you rather have a tiger eat you or a lion?
A
: I’d rather the lion ate the tiger . . . . .
Manager:
Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player
Fan:
Why’s that?
Manager:
Every time he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! . . . . . Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet? Player: I finished it in three days! . . . . .
Q
: What do you call a Donkey with 3 legs?
A
: A Wonkey! . . . . .
Q
: Why do birds fly South?
A
: Because it’s too far to walk. . . . . .
Q
: What do you give a sick pig?
A
: Oink-ment!! . . . . .
Q
: Why do dogs scratch themselves?
A
: Because they are the only ones that know where the itch is. . . . . .
Q
: Have you heard the tale of the brick wall?
A
: I couldn’t tell you, you’d never get over it! . . . . .
Q
: Where do horses go when they are ill?
A
: The Horse-pital!! . . . . .
Q
: What do you give a sick pig?
A
: Oink-ment!! . . . . .
Q
: What sort of cake do you NOT want for Christmas?
A
: A stomach cake!! . . . . .
Q
: If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?
A
: Wet . . . . .
Q
: Why did the clock in the cafeteria always run slow?
A
: Every lunchtime it went back 4 seconds . . . . .
Q
: How did the basketball court get wet?
A
: The players dribbled all over it! . . . . .
Q
: Why did the cat join computer classes?
A
: To catch a mouse! . . . . .
Q
: What’s the same as half a loaf of bread?
A
: The other half . . . . .
Q
: What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A
: Spook-ghetti!! . . . . .
Q
: How did the frog cross the road?
A
: He used the Green Cross Toad! . . . . .
Q
: Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
A
: They might be cheetahs! . . . . .
Q
: Have you heard the tale of the brick wall?
A
: I couldn’t tell you, you’d never get over it! . . . . .
Q
: If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?
A
: Wet . . . . .
Q
: Why did the Pensioner put wheels on his rocking chair?
A
: He wanted to rock and roll!! . . . . .
Q
: Who is in charge in the pencil case?
A
: The ruler . . . . .
Q
: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A
: Didn’t have the guts . . . . .
Q
: How do you make an apple crumble?
A
: Jump up and down on it . . . . .
Q
: What did the big bean say to the little bean?
A
: Where have you been!! . . . . .
Q
: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A
: A towel . . . . .
Q
: What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
A
: The scenter spot! . . . . .
Q
: Who is in charge in the pencil case?
A
: The ruler . . . . . Q. Imagine you’re in a haunted house with monsters and ghosts surrounding you... how do you survive? A. Stop imagining! . . . . .
Q
: What did the grape say when it got trodden on?
A
: Nothing, it just gave a little whine!! . . . . .
Q
: Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
A
: It was a boxer! . . . . .
Q
: What happens when two snails have a fight?
A
: They slug it out!!! . . . . .
Q
: What kind of dog tells time?
A
: A watch dog. . . . . .
Q
: What do you call an exploding monkey?
A
: A baBOOM! . . . . .
Q
: Would you rather have a tiger eat you or a lion?
A
: I’d rather the lion ate the tiger . . . . .
Q
: What do short-sighted ghosts wear?
A
: Spookacles!! . . . . .
Q
: When is a car not a car?
A
: When it turns into a driveway . . . . .
Q
: What’s green and sings?
A
: A happy cabbage . . . . .
Manager:
Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player
Fan:
Why’s that?
Manager:
Every time he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! . . . . .
Q
: How do you make an apple crumble?
A
: Jump up and down on it . . . . .
Q
: Why should you never tell secrets in a garden?
A
: Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans talk (beanstalk) . . . . .
Q
: How did the basketball court get wet?
A
: The players dribbled all over it! . . . . .
Q
: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A
: No idea . . . . .
Q
: What is in the middle of Paris?
A
: R . . . . .
Ref:
I’m sending you off
Player:
What for?
Ref:
The rest of the match! . . . . .
Q
: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A
: Because they don’t know the words. . . . . .